Business etiquette - When does personal become private?

There is an article in today (6/26/07) in The Wall Street Journal about the guy in the office or workplace that nobody knows what he/she "does" or anything about them. Their workspace is bland, nothing is on the walls, there is no picture of a girlfriend, wife or family and no sports pennants hang in view. The non-personal worker. People in the office do not know about this person's private life because he/she chooses not to ingratiate him/herself into the workplace. They stay away from everybody else when they can, i.e. reading in the stairwell, napping during lunch break or even just deflecting or avoiding inquisition into their personal details.

The other side, in my opinion is far worse. I don't want to hear of your failing relationship, your sick brother or that painfully unfunny joke. I hate to shoot the shit with colleagues that know next to nothing about which they proclaim intimate knowledge. Your baby is not cute and I don't really want to catch a lame drink and talk more about work because you are too uninteresting to talk about anything else. Talking about work is personal for these people. And disguising the undying pretense of company loyalty is nauseating. Say what you mean! People are not made to be happy slaving away making money for big shots. So be honest and stop telling me about how early and late you arrive and leave on friday before a long weekend. Gimme a f'n break.

In a work environment, it is easy to work with colleagues that you get along with but it is undeniably harder to get work done when you get along too well (unless you work in a world where the work you do is fun and then this blog topic wouldnt appeal to you because work must be awesome! Moving on...). I keep non-work to myself and usually work away from friends and family. I don't like to talk about my wife (don't have one), my family or my weekend binge with anyone to judge my lifestyle unacceptable for the company standard. And what is that? Why should the company have any control over my image after I leave the office? Well, they do, and that's a fact. So I keep it away. And now an article chastises those of us that don't put our personal identities out there for colleagues to judge? And I am wrong? No way. Companies need to learn to respect and protect employee's personal identities in the workplace without using their wish for privacy as an excuse for denying promotions. Since when did leaving your personal life, harm rather than help your standing in the office?

Blank Minds

I apologize for my loyal readers for not publishing a new article since May 24. A few things have occurred since then that have damaged my intimate relationship with family, friends, community, society and the world. First, I saved someone’s life as readers may have read about his death in a previous May article, I found out hours later that he was revived in the hospital and that the CPR that my co-worker and I gave to the man, saved him. Next I went to Las Vegas, a city filled more with greedy décor than actual sin. Sure you can gamble and buy prostitutes, but an Adult Playground? C’mon. I had a better time on weekends in Providence than I did in Vegas. This is partly due to the fact that I lost my phone the first night (morning actually, people don’t sleep there), blew a cool grand before the second day was up, and had to gawk at thinly covered, well-heeled women all weekend that I was in no state to approach or even dream about. Honestly there was something not right. It was like looking at a GQ magazine and seeing airbrushed beauties a little too good to be true that it didn’t give me a rise. In the case of Vegas hotties, their overbearing detailed makeup hid their average appearance and highlighted their blank personalities. I have to also admit that there is a lot more to Vegas and that part of Nevada than fake hotties, blackjack and sportsbook betting and drugs/alcohol. Believe it or not there are some fabulous interiors, gorgeous nature and entertainment for all. But, for what we did, I could have stayed home. My presence there, not by intention, but by fact, brought down the rest of my company. I apologize for that. I realized that Vegas with my friends, along with Spring break-type trips with my friends do not mesh with my sense of enjoyment. I refrain from mindless hedonism and self-destructive binging even though sometimes(rarely) I take part in both. I am glad for both my buddies celebrating their bachelor parties and I did enjoy the VIP banquet of alcohol before Taiwan invaded and a troop of Chinese professional party-goers started to leach off our festive generosity. But if I had won a couple grand, of course, Vegas would have been the best ever!

I will not speak of personal details of my life on this blog, but I have been going through a rough patch with my life. A pulled hamstring, a long distance visit and the workplace have all had their tears and pulls, especially the hamstring which has sidelined me from vital exercise and physical participation. For a few months I was the walking wounded, not doing anything but for the past few, I have actively tried to rehabilitate the ripped tendon with a therapist. Flat out, no lie or joke, this has been the most psychologically damaging event in my life. Small change, right? Wrong. I have been an athlete since day one, taking my leg from me, has also ripped my self esteem, confidence and half in two. I cannot run therefore I cannot: run, jog, play any sport to the level of pre-rip, exercise in most ways, and compete in any meaningful way in physical activities. It has hastened my health decline, accelerated my weight gain and left me with only contemplations of how to reverse the course. Not to mention I see myself as some has been retard plugging away at his computer, buying plastic models and DVDs to prepare myself for my personal Dark Ages ahead, sitting in a dank, dark basement, hopped up on paints and glue, furiously recreating Peiper’s destructive foray into Stavelot in 1944, or melting into the old sheets of my bed, watching Citizen Kane for the 15th time anticipating a forlorn alternative ending. These are the days of a 27 year-old has been, hiding from the complexities of life in search of a personal nirvana that will never come. Get a life! Whoa, not that easy. I feel like I am in a “chase” dream where no matter how fast I try to run I can’t get away, and in this case, no matter how much we all need to forge new bonds of friendships and relationships, we are mired in the past, rooted to the comforts of familiarity. I love my friends and family even more these days, but I can’t help but think that that love is actually holding me back from making my own decisions and leading my own quest for life. I hope one day, I can compartmentalize the life that was, with the life that will be and make them agree in some aspects and disagree in others, but sometimes I feel like that is an impossibility with the direction I go. In a world of passengers, I have become one, without a story and without a face in a crowd. And it’s becoming more crowded and my face is becoming more blank as time runs its unstoppable course.