Blog Riotus: How to win the American Presidential Election

1. Promise to cut taxes.
No matter which party you belong to, promising to "put money back into the pockets of hardworking Americans, like yourselves" will work everytime. No need to mention that taxes are an essential cost for citizens to keep a well-balanced and strong infrastructure, one that in our country is eroding. (Fiscally responsible candidates will look weak and "intellectual". People don't want to be reminded of responsibility. What to do? Don't mention how incovenient wars will be financed.)

2. Repeat "America is the greatest country on earth"
Appeal to the tremendous hubris that ordinary Americans cling to with the regard to their favorite bandwagon team, the USA! Anything less than blind faith in the direction of this country, regardless of greedy profit-seeking motives that guide multinational corporations pulling the strings of government policy, should be exposed with such an incredulity, that even ambivalent voters will feel betrayed. (Bonus: Mention the legacy of Reagan and gain even more credibility as a patriot.)

3. Promise to "create" jobs.
Even though you already promised to cut taxes (see #1), people will worry about how their hard work will be compensated. Even though you have eliminated any government programs to assist homeless or mentally challenged, provide day care, afterschool programs or additional educational programs; you can always fall back on tax cuts to promote the wealthy Americans with even more money so they can buy even more unnecessary goods and services that will add additional jobs. Save less, spend more. Don't mention any additional thoughts on the economy, this will be too hard for ordinary working Americans to understand. If confused, they may seek union advice.

4. Change
If you can offer change, this is good. Actually all candidates can offer this, as there are no incumbents running this time around. Well, you may ask, what are we changing. America is already the greatest place on earth, so why do we need change? Well, don't mention these topics simultaneously and you don't need to answer that question. Of course we want change. Lowered taxes, more jobs, greater America. You can always improve great!

5. Appear tough on illegal immigration
Falling short of actually introducing any novel policies on illegal workers, strong stances on making life difficult for illegals creates a bandwagonning effect in which we can back the best team in the world over those dark skinned invaders coming from the south. Maybe even start a "USA" chant directly following your stated intention to build a Green Monster along the southern border.

6. Image is everything
Dress impeccably but don't be afraid to roll up your sleeves. Remember that crying can also sometimes guarantee the "sympathetic" vote, so don't be afraid drop a tear. (Not more than one one eye rub and no absolutely no sobbing). Wear a hard hat when talking with workers, wear a bomber jacket when speaking with military personnel.